This is unsolicited advice, but I’m going to give it nonetheless. I am an active user of social media and have noticed a trend that men and women are having a difficult time finding their ideal partner, or just a partner in general. So, here are my impressions and suggestions. I’ll try to tackle this topic in the following order: 1. Selling yourself, 2. Where to look, 3. Improve yourself, and 4. Be realistic. What I am going to discuss will also work for finding and making friends.
I have witnessed people in utter frustration when they never seem to attract a partner. Why is this? This is a hard pill to swallow. Current social trends tell people that others should accept them no matter how they look, act, or behave. This is a feel good message, but it’s not the reality. The reality is, and it’s always been, that you have to sell yourself. A person cannot tell themselves that they are who they are and anyone who I am interested in just needs to accept me for who I am. This is fine if you are already someone who potential partners are looking for, but for the majority of people this is not the reality. Just like a business does research to advertise their products, a person who is looking for a partner needs to do their research. For example, I am currently living in a small town in the midwest. If I want to increase the number of people that will be attracted to me, I should probably dress in nice conservative clothes before heading out to the social scene. Or, you could consider moving somewhere that the majority of people dress like you. In short, you don’t want to make your pool of prospective partners smaller, you want it bigger to increase your chances. Do your research and make the changes in order to make yourself appealing to prospective partners.
Take the time to think about the type of person you want to meet. What activities do you like and what activities do you want a partner to be interested in? Whatever that activity might be, go out and do it. If you like a person who hikes, they will be found on the trail hiking. If you want a partner who goes to concerts, go to concerts. Don’t be shy either. Strike up a conversation with the people at the concert. Maybe a connection will be made. However, I can guarantee that you won’t find your potential partner sitting at home aimlessly searching through social media. Participate in the activities you like to do and want your partner to be interested in.
Ask yourself this question, do you want someone who is boring and can’t carry on a conversation? I don’t think so. If you want someone to be able to do something, then you need to be able to do it yourself. This is why you always need to be improving yourself. When you are interesting, you’ll find others who are interesting. Try to learn something new each day. Take a class in person or on-line. In person is better because it is increasing your chances of meeting someone and giving you the opportunity to strike up a conversation. There are so many ways to improve yourself. Learn how to eat healthy, exercise, work out and put it to practice. Join a book club and attend the meetings. Read philosophy and history. Take a local hosted writing class. The options to improve yourself are endless. People are attracted to others who take care of themselves and are always working to be better.
Finally, be realistic. This is not to say that you should settle, but on the other hand don’t set the bar so high that only 1% of people would meet your expectations. In order to increase your chances of meeting a potential partner you need to increase the size of the pool of candidates. Not to pick on women, but I’ve read that the majority of women have such high expectations that they are all competing for the same 10% of men. Over six feet, physically fit, make six figures etc. I am sure that men do this too. If everyone is looking for the same 10% of people, there is going to be a lot of disappointment. So, be realistic.
What I have written about is geared towards finding a potential partner which is separate from keeping a partner and making a healthy long term relationship. That would be another interesting project to write about. For now, I have recommended selling yourself, looking in the right places, self improvement, and being realistic as key ingredients in finding a partner. The same advice could be given for finding friends. Give it a try and see how it works out for you.